Friday, 6 September 2013

The end of a blog...

Well, seven months or thereabouts since I last updated this and several people have asked if I am going to post again. A couple of people have even said they were worried that the lack of posting meant that news was less than good, so I apologise for causing any worry -I am still here, obviously!

The real reason I haven't posted in such a long time is that I feel I am in a different place now to where I was when I first set up the blog and for the 18 months or so afterwards. It helped me share news, it helped me offload and it helped me feel I was in control, even in a tiny way, of what was happening with me. And boy, did it help me! I think that at times it was the only thing that kept me on the right side of sanity and the calm side of anxiety. It was the only thing that let me share how I really felt, my deepest fears and worries, my love for my family and friends, and my deep, deep appreciation for our amazing NHS and all the health care professionals who have helped me through this. The comments left by friends helped me enormously ( even though they often made me cry!).

Where am I now? I have done some project work, so that's a definite return to normal. I am continuing to volunteer at the wonderful Orpheus Centre. I have been on holiday and am about to go and climb a blooming huge mountain in the French Alps. I have been going to the gym regularly, walking a lot and running a little. I am almost at the point where I think my voice may be reliable enough that I can return to the choir I had joined before I became ill. I am interested in what is going on around me. I am involved with Facial Palsy UK and embracing opportunities to publicise it in magazines or other media (obviously, this excludes the Daily Fail!!). I am busy, active and outward-looking. In recent days, I have been reading back on my blog and, while I recognise the scared, weak, angry and despairing woman who wrote those words, I can see how different I am now.

That doesn't mean that everything is wonderful every day - but, let's face it, is it like that for anyone? Really? I still get anxious before my oncology check-ups. I still worry about unexpected aches or anything slightly different in my anatomy. I still - even now - feel self-conscious about my face but I also know that I look so much better than when this all first happened or even than I looked a year ago. there any need for me to continue with this blog? I think not. I think it has served its purpose. It helped me hugely and, I hope, it has perhaps helped other people who might have read it. Quite a lot of people have said I should try and get it published and maybe that is something I should have a look at. Tell me, what do you all think? Should I try and publish this somehow? Would it help others at all? Or would it just be pure vanity publishing? :-D

I end this entry - and this blog - by saying THANK YOU to every one of you who took the time and trouble to read this, to comment, to think of me, to hold me in your thoughts or prayers, to think of my family when we were going through our worst time.

I am still here. I am living the life I want to live. Life is good.