Yesterday, I spent my first day as a volunteer at the Orpheus Centre. The sharp-of-memory among you will remember that this is where our daughter works as a community fundraiser and that it is a charity which encourages young people with disabilities to use their talents in the performing and other arts as a gateway to independent living. Since I am not yet back at work (and won't be working full-time in any case), I wanted to put some structure around my days and also do something in the community, so this seems like a good opportunity to get involved in something new and be more outward-looking.
Reader, I loved it! I was working with a group of students (they are all aged between 18 and 24) in a Futures workshop, where the students are preparing for, doing and then writing up their work experience activities. I worked with a young woman who has Downs, helping her produce a record of her work at a Day Centre, where she lays tables, serves food to elderly people and clears away. We had a lovely day (well, I did, at any rate! you'd have to ask P whether she did as well) and by the end of it, she had produced her worksheet of photos and comments. It is such a lovely environment to work in - so positive and supportive. Everyone was really friendly to me - I got several hugs from students and one young man walked me to the classroom, holding my hand and miming bagpipes because he knew I am Scottish - he has limited speech, so I am going to try to learn some Makaton so that I can communicate a bit with him. I recognised one other volunteer - the chap who led the drumming workshop at my church a few weeks ago ( I blogged about it). I hadn't realised he volunteered there, so we had a quick catch-up and it always helps when you see a face you recognise, doesn't it?
I found the day quite exhilerating, but very tiring. I was there from 9.30 till 2.30, so was home well before three o'clock and was fit for nothing but stretching out on the sofa for a couple of hours (lightweight!). I had Pilates at six o'clock, which I managed to stay awake for, although it was tough at times....
Today, I was at my Institute's South East Spring Conference and AGM. I was fortunate enough to be given a slot on the programme to ask for sponsorship for the London Marathon from the delegates and, although I found it hard to stand up and talk in front of a room full of people (some of whom I knew, many of whom I didn't). I knew there was the potential to get upset, not necessarily because I had to talk about what had happened to me, but because I was thinking that the reason I had missed this Conference last year was because I was just starting down the path of medical examination to find out what was wrong with me - and also because standing up and inviting people to look at my face still makes me squirm a bit inside. As often happens at these potentially emotional times, I used humour as my shield and got a couple of laughs out of them - and about £150, with the promise of more to come! So it was well worth the squirminess to get some more money for Macmillan.
By three o'clock, I was visibly wilting - two days in a row of different activity had taken its toll, so I went home early and have been relaxing on the squishy sofa. I'm glad I've had two busy days, as it helps me gauge my stamina (not quite as good as I thought it was, but then again, I've still got the remnants of this rotten cold) and it keeps me outward-looking, which I need to be.
I have had a positive week so far - I think I am really going to enjoy working at Orpheus and am looking forward to next week's session. Today was a great opportunity to hear some superb speakers and to catch up with old friends (I saw about four people I taught when they were studying for their accountancy qualification!) and to do some networking. I have had a very exciting invitation to an event from a lovely friend (won't give any details till nearer the time, just to keep you all reading this blog!!) and a positive chat about some potential work later in the year, so for once, I feel things are going my way.
I've just been talking to Neil on the phone, telling him about my good day today, and I said that I have had such a brilliant day that I am almost waiting for my bubble to burst. I think this is a reaction to having had such a shocker of a year last year and getting to the stage where I think that I am always going to get bad news (ever the pessimist, eh?) - I should just be happy and enjoy the moment. And I am happy and I am most definitely enjoying the moment - in fact, I am sitting here with a face-splitting grin :-D))).
Life is good and I am enjoying mine.
Wednesday, 21 March 2012
Monday, 19 March 2012
One year since it all started.....
Ha, so much for my seven consecutive days of blogging - I ended up with a stinking cold and wilted, like a flower without any water.......just had no energy, spent most of the day coughing and pretty much most of the night doing the same, to the point where my ribs ached and I tried desperately to hold the cough in just to avoid feeling that horrible stabby pain, eventually having to just give in and cough away, one hand clutching my ribs and the other in front of my mouth!
You'd think, after all my body has coped with over the past year, that a cold would be something I could take in my stride, wouldn't you? But no, it knocked me for six. I suppose that might mean that my immune system is not yet back up to full speed. Of course, this meant no exercise for several days, so I am feeling a bit antsy and fed-up about that. Back to the gym tonight to an aerobics class, which I hope to manage without having to stop for a coughing fit - if I can do that, I know I am on the road to full recovery.
Talking of all my body has dealt with over the past year brings me to another reason why I haven't posted. On Saturday, the 17th of March, it was exactly one year since I first felt the lumps in my jaw and thought that something wasn't quite right. Little did I realise then just how big an impact those two little lumps would have. This time last year I was blithely thinking that I had some kind of infection and my glands had swollen up to fight it - yes, unusually only on one side, but I didn't think that was anything untoward. I do tend to think of events as "BC" or "AD" - Before Cancer and After Diagnosis, as if finding out I had cancer caused a seismic shift in my world. Did it? An interesting question - I look at my life and so much of it is the same: same husband and children, same friends (for the most part - one or two whom I thought would be more actively interested went very quiet very early and have stayed that way and conversely, some people have stepped up to the plate and proved themselves to be trusty companions), same house, same lifestyle, same interests....when I look at it like that, not much has changed.
And yet......I feel changed. I feel - I know! - that my approach to life has altered. I feel that, having been given what to me I can only describe as a second chance at life, I have been given the most precious gift: time on this earth. That fills me with such a deep appreciation and thankfulness for all the wonderful work of our NHS and the love and support of my family and friends that I hope I never take any of them for granted again. I feel that I have a renewed appreciation of the simpler things in life, too - I have found such gentle pleasure in listening to birdsong, watching our cats move from one sunny spot to another as the sun moves around the garden, seeing plants and flowers change over the seasons. Nothing sophisticated involved, just nature doing what she does. I don't feel that material things are as important as once I did - yes, I am lucky that we have a nice house in a beautiful area, but I am not fussed about having a newer car or the latest trendy kitchen/garden/technology "must-have" (although I have to confess to having upgraded to the iPhone 4s - I never said I was perfect!!). I have realised that all that really matters is health, family, friends and love.
I make no apologies for sounding like a mawkishly sentimental Pollyanna today. This is how I feel. I've had a lot of time to reflect on life over the last year and although this time last year I had no idea of what a bumpy ride I was going to have, it became clear within a few weeks, so I had to get used to this new set of realities fairly quickly. I think that, on the whole, I've coped.....okay. There have been bad days and there have been good days. In recent months I have had more good days than bad and I know that I have effective coping strategies for the bad days. When I look back at what's happened to me and my family over the past couple of years, we've coped with my brother dying at the age of 47, our daughter travelling to some of the most dangerous parts of the world, my diagnosis and treatment, my mum being sectioned and then moved into a care home after being diagnosed with dementia - that's quite a list of things. The important thing is that we have coped and we will continue to cope with what happens next. The only thing we know for sure is that I will have more surgery to my face. As for the oncology side - my latest check-up, on Friday of last week, was fine and that's all I can be sure of. I am as healthy as my last check-up. At the moment, the gap between appointments is one month, but I am hopeful that this will gradually be extended as I (fingers crossed) start to have consistently clear results from the physical examinations.
While this blog post contains a lot of looking back, there's a lot of looking forward too. I think that's how I am living my life at the moment - reflection, processing, anticipation and hoping. Is this so different from everyone else's life? I suspect not.
You'd think, after all my body has coped with over the past year, that a cold would be something I could take in my stride, wouldn't you? But no, it knocked me for six. I suppose that might mean that my immune system is not yet back up to full speed. Of course, this meant no exercise for several days, so I am feeling a bit antsy and fed-up about that. Back to the gym tonight to an aerobics class, which I hope to manage without having to stop for a coughing fit - if I can do that, I know I am on the road to full recovery.
Talking of all my body has dealt with over the past year brings me to another reason why I haven't posted. On Saturday, the 17th of March, it was exactly one year since I first felt the lumps in my jaw and thought that something wasn't quite right. Little did I realise then just how big an impact those two little lumps would have. This time last year I was blithely thinking that I had some kind of infection and my glands had swollen up to fight it - yes, unusually only on one side, but I didn't think that was anything untoward. I do tend to think of events as "BC" or "AD" - Before Cancer and After Diagnosis, as if finding out I had cancer caused a seismic shift in my world. Did it? An interesting question - I look at my life and so much of it is the same: same husband and children, same friends (for the most part - one or two whom I thought would be more actively interested went very quiet very early and have stayed that way and conversely, some people have stepped up to the plate and proved themselves to be trusty companions), same house, same lifestyle, same interests....when I look at it like that, not much has changed.
And yet......I feel changed. I feel - I know! - that my approach to life has altered. I feel that, having been given what to me I can only describe as a second chance at life, I have been given the most precious gift: time on this earth. That fills me with such a deep appreciation and thankfulness for all the wonderful work of our NHS and the love and support of my family and friends that I hope I never take any of them for granted again. I feel that I have a renewed appreciation of the simpler things in life, too - I have found such gentle pleasure in listening to birdsong, watching our cats move from one sunny spot to another as the sun moves around the garden, seeing plants and flowers change over the seasons. Nothing sophisticated involved, just nature doing what she does. I don't feel that material things are as important as once I did - yes, I am lucky that we have a nice house in a beautiful area, but I am not fussed about having a newer car or the latest trendy kitchen/garden/technology "must-have" (although I have to confess to having upgraded to the iPhone 4s - I never said I was perfect!!). I have realised that all that really matters is health, family, friends and love.
I make no apologies for sounding like a mawkishly sentimental Pollyanna today. This is how I feel. I've had a lot of time to reflect on life over the last year and although this time last year I had no idea of what a bumpy ride I was going to have, it became clear within a few weeks, so I had to get used to this new set of realities fairly quickly. I think that, on the whole, I've coped.....okay. There have been bad days and there have been good days. In recent months I have had more good days than bad and I know that I have effective coping strategies for the bad days. When I look back at what's happened to me and my family over the past couple of years, we've coped with my brother dying at the age of 47, our daughter travelling to some of the most dangerous parts of the world, my diagnosis and treatment, my mum being sectioned and then moved into a care home after being diagnosed with dementia - that's quite a list of things. The important thing is that we have coped and we will continue to cope with what happens next. The only thing we know for sure is that I will have more surgery to my face. As for the oncology side - my latest check-up, on Friday of last week, was fine and that's all I can be sure of. I am as healthy as my last check-up. At the moment, the gap between appointments is one month, but I am hopeful that this will gradually be extended as I (fingers crossed) start to have consistently clear results from the physical examinations.
While this blog post contains a lot of looking back, there's a lot of looking forward too. I think that's how I am living my life at the moment - reflection, processing, anticipation and hoping. Is this so different from everyone else's life? I suspect not.
Tuesday, 13 March 2012
Three days and counting!
Evening, all! I'm sticking to my plan to post for seven consecutive days with the latest (and probably very boring) account of today.
The alarm went off at 6 o'clock for us to go to the gym - however, today Neil went on his own, as I felt a bit tired still, so stayed in bed and fell asleep again. Must have needed it! I did get some exercise, though, as I went to a Zumba class later in the morning and then did a fast(ish!) run on the treadmill in the gym - not for long, but just to try and see how I dealt with a more speedy pace. The answer? - okay for a short while, but not sustainable for any length of time (yet!).
I popped round to my friend Sally's house for a cup of tea and a catch-up this afternoon - it was lovely to sit out in the garden, enjoying the sunshine. Back home, a bit of domestic stuff and then off to Pilates, which I am rather enjoying now, after not being very convinced about it when I went to my first class a few weeks ago. However, I now think I can feel the benefits and it seems to incorporate some quite good physio for my shoulder, although I'm a bit limited in the range of movement sometimes. The instructor is very good about checking up on how I'm doing and suggesting slight variations to the exercise to accommodate my compromised shoulder.
And so, back home again, dinner eaten and a quiet evening in store. I'm dutifully zapping my face to try and encourage some nerve memory and to prevent the muscles lengthening, so I'm sitting here with my little electrodes attached to my mouth and chin, while Amy has her hair done in the other room and Neil is (like I am) stretched out on the sofa, with a cup of tea to hand.
Tomorrow, the plan is to go to the gym first thing, then I want to sort out some paperwork and do various domestic bits and pieces. Our friend Jonathan is calling round in the evening, so we will probably walk down to Old Oxted and have some dinner there.
I did say this would be boring! I've been so busy the last couple of days that I haven't had much time for introspection, which is probably a good thing. I did meet my friend Sally's neighbour today, as we walked from Sally's house for her to pick up her daughter from school and I was a bit self-conscious about my face, but didn't feel any need to explain why my mouth didn't work properly. And in other news, my CRB check came through, so next Tuesday I start as a volunteer at The Orpheus Centre, which will be really interesting as well as being a worthwhile use of my time - until I go back to work (whenever that might be...), I want to get to the end of each week and think "Yes, you made good use of the week", rather than feel I have frittered my days away.
The alarm went off at 6 o'clock for us to go to the gym - however, today Neil went on his own, as I felt a bit tired still, so stayed in bed and fell asleep again. Must have needed it! I did get some exercise, though, as I went to a Zumba class later in the morning and then did a fast(ish!) run on the treadmill in the gym - not for long, but just to try and see how I dealt with a more speedy pace. The answer? - okay for a short while, but not sustainable for any length of time (yet!).
I popped round to my friend Sally's house for a cup of tea and a catch-up this afternoon - it was lovely to sit out in the garden, enjoying the sunshine. Back home, a bit of domestic stuff and then off to Pilates, which I am rather enjoying now, after not being very convinced about it when I went to my first class a few weeks ago. However, I now think I can feel the benefits and it seems to incorporate some quite good physio for my shoulder, although I'm a bit limited in the range of movement sometimes. The instructor is very good about checking up on how I'm doing and suggesting slight variations to the exercise to accommodate my compromised shoulder.
And so, back home again, dinner eaten and a quiet evening in store. I'm dutifully zapping my face to try and encourage some nerve memory and to prevent the muscles lengthening, so I'm sitting here with my little electrodes attached to my mouth and chin, while Amy has her hair done in the other room and Neil is (like I am) stretched out on the sofa, with a cup of tea to hand.
Tomorrow, the plan is to go to the gym first thing, then I want to sort out some paperwork and do various domestic bits and pieces. Our friend Jonathan is calling round in the evening, so we will probably walk down to Old Oxted and have some dinner there.
I did say this would be boring! I've been so busy the last couple of days that I haven't had much time for introspection, which is probably a good thing. I did meet my friend Sally's neighbour today, as we walked from Sally's house for her to pick up her daughter from school and I was a bit self-conscious about my face, but didn't feel any need to explain why my mouth didn't work properly. And in other news, my CRB check came through, so next Tuesday I start as a volunteer at The Orpheus Centre, which will be really interesting as well as being a worthwhile use of my time - until I go back to work (whenever that might be...), I want to get to the end of each week and think "Yes, you made good use of the week", rather than feel I have frittered my days away.
Monday, 12 March 2012
Two days on the trot... Blimey!
Phew! Realised in time that I want to try and post every day this week.
Not much to report, really - gym this morning with Neil, where I did 40 minutes on the treadmill. I was pleased with that, as I find it quite hard to keep on going on the treadmill because the scenery never changes! Some resistance and floor work and then home to get ready for the next activity -a walk on the North Downs with Sue. We walked for about an hour and a half at a fairly brisk pace (another of my old running routes) and then had a cuppa at Sue's house. Back home and another change to get ready for lunch -my old boss from when I was a lecturer had arranged to come over and we walked down to Old Oxted for lunch and a good blether.
In all this activity I amused myself with some laundry and other domestic delights but managed to sit in the garden and read for a while.
Quiet evening this evening and gym again in the morning, providing I feel fine when I waken up! I'm booked in for zumba and pilates tomorrow, so my energetic regime continues :-)
Not much to report, really - gym this morning with Neil, where I did 40 minutes on the treadmill. I was pleased with that, as I find it quite hard to keep on going on the treadmill because the scenery never changes! Some resistance and floor work and then home to get ready for the next activity -a walk on the North Downs with Sue. We walked for about an hour and a half at a fairly brisk pace (another of my old running routes) and then had a cuppa at Sue's house. Back home and another change to get ready for lunch -my old boss from when I was a lecturer had arranged to come over and we walked down to Old Oxted for lunch and a good blether.
In all this activity I amused myself with some laundry and other domestic delights but managed to sit in the garden and read for a while.
Quiet evening this evening and gym again in the morning, providing I feel fine when I waken up! I'm booked in for zumba and pilates tomorrow, so my energetic regime continues :-)
Sunday, 11 March 2012
Well, so much for posting every day!
Massive fail in my challenge to post on my blog every day for a week - after the weird format post of Friday, I'm not doing very well, am I?
I actually didn't have time to post yesterday - by the time we had driven round to our friend's house, borrowed his flat-bed truck, come home and loaded up stuff to take to the bulky waste collection point (our local Council provides this service every few months, so we had a stockpile of old carpet,furniture and things falling under the category of "stuff" which we wanted to get rid of), it was already 1 pm. We were also using the truck to go to IKEA in Croydon to buy bedroom furniture for Amy's bedroom, which we have now decorated and recarpeted. It's not the most pleasant of experiences, driving up to Croydon, at the best of times, let alone on a Saturday when everyone seems to have been bitten by the DIY bug and is heading to the Purley Way! It was made worse by the fact that the wardrobes came in two different heights and I didn't know which one would fit in the bedroom - mea maxima culpa;I should have taken the measurementscwith me. Neil was very patient (he really is a saint!)and we bought some chests of drawers, took them home, had a cup of tea and then went back! We didn't get home till half six and had just enough time to get showered, changed and then pick up our friends to go to another friend's 50th birthday party.
The party was good -in a golf club, so quite posh. None of my nice dresses fit me any more, so I was a bit limited in what I could wear -I don't have any smart trousers that fit me either, so it really was a case of what was the least baggy thing! We knew quite a few people there, as birthday boy is in Neil's mountain bike club, so there were probably about 12 couples that we knew and I had a good catch- up with a few of them. I didn't dance because I just didn't feel like it (and was starting to flag quite a bit) and in any case, I didn't recognise some of the music (middle-aged gimmer....). The party ended at midnight and by the time we said our goodbyes, we didn't actually leave until about twenty five past twelve. I had offered to drive, as I don't drink at the moment anyway, so I fulfilled my chauffeuring duties (no peaked cap or uniform, I'm afraid...).
No prizes for guessing that I have been feeling very tired all day today - yesterday was probably the longest in terms of sustained activity that I have had in about a year. Maybe I am not quite ready for full days at work plus commuting quite yet.....but I'm getting there.
I'll try to post tomorrow but on recent form, don't hold your breath!
I actually didn't have time to post yesterday - by the time we had driven round to our friend's house, borrowed his flat-bed truck, come home and loaded up stuff to take to the bulky waste collection point (our local Council provides this service every few months, so we had a stockpile of old carpet,furniture and things falling under the category of "stuff" which we wanted to get rid of), it was already 1 pm. We were also using the truck to go to IKEA in Croydon to buy bedroom furniture for Amy's bedroom, which we have now decorated and recarpeted. It's not the most pleasant of experiences, driving up to Croydon, at the best of times, let alone on a Saturday when everyone seems to have been bitten by the DIY bug and is heading to the Purley Way! It was made worse by the fact that the wardrobes came in two different heights and I didn't know which one would fit in the bedroom - mea maxima culpa;I should have taken the measurementscwith me. Neil was very patient (he really is a saint!)and we bought some chests of drawers, took them home, had a cup of tea and then went back! We didn't get home till half six and had just enough time to get showered, changed and then pick up our friends to go to another friend's 50th birthday party.
The party was good -in a golf club, so quite posh. None of my nice dresses fit me any more, so I was a bit limited in what I could wear -I don't have any smart trousers that fit me either, so it really was a case of what was the least baggy thing! We knew quite a few people there, as birthday boy is in Neil's mountain bike club, so there were probably about 12 couples that we knew and I had a good catch- up with a few of them. I didn't dance because I just didn't feel like it (and was starting to flag quite a bit) and in any case, I didn't recognise some of the music (middle-aged gimmer....). The party ended at midnight and by the time we said our goodbyes, we didn't actually leave until about twenty five past twelve. I had offered to drive, as I don't drink at the moment anyway, so I fulfilled my chauffeuring duties (no peaked cap or uniform, I'm afraid...).
No prizes for guessing that I have been feeling very tired all day today - yesterday was probably the longest in terms of sustained activity that I have had in about a year. Maybe I am not quite ready for full days at work plus commuting quite yet.....but I'm getting there.
I'll try to post tomorrow but on recent form, don't hold your breath!
Friday, 9 March 2012
Flaming internet!
Sorry about the format of my latest blog - I was merrily typing away earlier today when our internet crashed and burned......no signal coming through the cable box for either tv or internet, so had to book an engineer for Monday - and then miraculously it all came back of its own accord! However, I lost all my blog post except for the preview copy which I had opened on a separate page (not the full post, but most of it, thankfully!) but I could only use it by copying and pasting the whole blog and then deleting stuff. Unfortunately, it means no one can comment on the blog because it's in a weird format!! So, if you have any illuminating/funny/serious/kick up the backside comments - you can make them on this post and not the previous one!!
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