It's a strange kind of day for me today, because it's exactly a year to the day, and pretty much to the hour, since I was given my cancer diagnosis. I was told the news sympathetically, caringly and professionally by my consultant and Macmillan nurse, who must have given this news scores, hundreds of times and yet who still made it personal to me, not making me feel as if I were one more person on this conveyor belt of cancer patients.
I remember it was a beautifully sunny day. When we drove home, in shock I think, I was able to justify putting on my sunglasses to hide my weeping eyes. They're weeping now as I recall the shock, fear and then numbness I felt when I heard the words coming out of the consultant's mouth and saw the understanding in his eyes as he saw my face change.
Neil and I sat in the garden all afternoon, not really talking about it, each of us trying to process the news in our own ways and coming together for a hug and a few tears as we tried to make sense of this world, our new world that had tilted on its axis. How to tell the children was uppermost on our minds....our daughter was travelling in South America and communication was patchy and dependent on phone signals and internet cafes. How could we ruin her trip that she had worked so hard to achieve Our son was at work but would be home later - how could we tell him this news and tilt his world as well? In the end, we decided to wait until we had both assimilated the news and then tell each of them at a time we felt was ...not "right" - how could there ever be a "right time" to give this kind of news? - but a time when we felt we would be strong enough to cope with any reaction from them and when we knew a bit more about treatment and outcomes.
Since then - well, you all know what's happened if you've been reading my blog. I look out of the window today and it's raining (weather that, ironically, would have been much better suited to the news I got last year! The pathetic fallacy clearly isn't always alive and well....). Neil has gone to work, our son is off at uni, our daughter is back home from her travels and off at work. I'm here, alive, in remission, enjoying life and going for my monthly check-up tomorrow, which I hope and pray will continue to show no signs of cancer. I'm glad that today is so different, both in weather and in terms of who is at home, than last year. I don't want a re-run any more than I am already replaying it in my mind, although I did say to Neil that in a way, it would have been good to have him at home today and just be the two of us, but that might have ended up being a bit too introspective and brought us both down.
Instead, I shall celebrate the fact that a year ago, I thought my world was crashing down around my ears. Today, my world has been built back up again, on the firm foundation of family, friends, faith and the medical profession (couldn't find another word beginning with "f"!). It's a slightly different world, but it's a great world. Neil, Amy, Adam and I together have dealt with our family being diverted from its usual course and onto a different path. We're walking this new path together, arms linked, me the smallest as usual, leaving our shadows behind.
Thursday, 19 April 2012
Tuesday, 17 April 2012
Monday, 16 April 2012
Dahling, how lovely to see you!
Have you ever walked down a street, or sat on a train, or been in a department store and seen someone you recognise? You think it's a friend of yours, but can't quite recall their name, so you smile, say "Hello", have a wee chat with them and only once you've walked away do you realise that it was an actor whose face is beamed into your sitting-room through the television screen - you think you "know" them, because they look so familiar!
I had this experience on a huge scale last night, when I was at the Olivier Awards at the Royal Opera House. My lovely friend, Fin, had invited me to accompany him to the awards ceremony and after-party - you'll remember the story of my posh frock shopping trip from an earlier blog!
I'll start the story of the day with arriving at Fin's apartment (it's far too gorgeous to call it a flat). I had been in Cambridge on a training course for my church - I think this means that I can now claim to have studied at Cambridge, don't you? Post-graduate course, obviously.....The course itself was really useful but it was pretty tiring, as there was a lot of information to assimilate and we did a lot of group work so the level of engagement required was quite high. The other delegates were from URCs across the UK and we had some time to socialise as well and a couple of hours to look around the beautiful city of Cambridge. I went for a run early on Saturday morning and running along the banks of the Cam, seeing the punts bobbing gently, the sun filtering through the trees and the peaceful start to the day as Cambridge came to life was a bit of a bonus (and helped counter-act the effects of the rather large amounts of food I consumed over the three days!).
I left Cambridge on Sunday morning, part-way through the morning sessions, so that I could arrive at Fin's for 1 pm. Thanks to the marvellously punctual FirstCapitalConnect train service and London Transport, I did actually appear on Fin's doorstep at about 2 minutes to 1 - how's that for timing?? After a quick catch-up, we both disappeared to our respective rooms to get ready. I put into practice the tips I had learned at my Look Good, Feel Better workshop at the Royal Marsden a few weeks ago and finally was ready to slip into my new frock. Gentle readers, I am delighted to say that I felt fabulous in it! Combined with the make-up and a very simple hairstyle, the dress made me feel that I looked the best I have since I had my surgery last year. Fin was in the kilt, a wonderfully unique red kilt with thistles incorporated into the panels. Which tartan? MacFlamboyant, I think :-) There's something about a man in a kilt that seems to appeal to people, because I lost count of the number of people who came up to us over the next twelve hours and commented on how fantastic Fin looked - and he did look fantastic! We felt quite the Beautiful Couple in our finery. We took a couple of photos in Fin's apartment and then went down to get our car to the Criterion restaurant, where Fin had booked a table for us to have lunch. It's a gorgeous restaurant, very opulent and glamorous and the staff all said how wonderful we looked, so my head was beginning to swell a bit!
I bet it's no surprise to you to learn that my very delicious meal was accompanied by champagne - oh yes! We started the day as we meant to go on - in style and with lots of bubbles! When it was time to leave for the pre-show drinks at the Waldorf (the glamour continues!), we realised that the rain was pouring down outside, scuppering our plans to walk from the Criterion to the Waldorf. We had been hoping that we might get mistaken for celebrities by tourists, because who else would be in full Highland dress and a floor-length silk dress in daylight?! However, since we didn't want to arrive in rain-spattered clothes and with frizzy hair (in my case!), Fin arranged for us to be picked up and driven to the Waldorf. We did get some appreciative comments and compliments from the groups of people outside the restaurant as we left and some Japanese/Korean tourists smiled and said something which we think might have been complimentary!
At the Waldorf, we were having pre-awards drinks with the group from Ghost - the Musical (the more sharp of memory amongst you will remember that Fin took me and two other uni friends to see this in January). The production was up for several awards, so our group was a mix of actors, producers, publicity, etc. Fin is one of the producers - the show is in preview stage on Broadway, so he will be going over for Press Night next week. If there's any justice in the world, it will be as phenomenally popular over there as it has been over here. I had several people comment on my frock, which made me feel good, as you can imagine.
Fin had forwarded me the email with details of the arrangements for the awards, in which we were advised that the only access to the Royal Opera House was via the red carpet...I've never been on a red carpet before! And this was no short, thin strip of CarpetRight - this was a long, very wide carpet, with barriers on either side, crowds of people lined up to watch everyone arrive, cameras flashing and people calling out the names of the various celebrities. Just walking up the red carpet, I walked past Natascha McElhone, James McAvoy, Anne-Marie Duff, Jack Davenport and Zoe Wanamaker. I was feeling a bit star-struck already! I took a photo of Fin with Zoe Wanamaker and with Jack Davenport and sneaked a few phone photos of the others on the red carpet.
We had fantastic seats in the ROH - front stalls, near the front. Patrick Stewart and Lenny Henry were two rows in front, Kara Tointon two rows behind, James McAvoy and Anne-Marie Duff one row in front, Zoe Wanamaker three rows in front, and June Brown (Dot Cotton from EastEnders) about five seats away from me. Phyllida Law (mother of Emma and Sophie Thompson) was almost right in front of me. Imelda Staunton and Michael Ball were hosting the awards for the second time, I think, and I thought they were really good - as with all of these events, you get blips and when the show is broadcast live, there's the potential for awkward silences and embarrassed throat clearing, but on the very small number of occasions where links or mics didn't work, they coped brilliantly - great ad-libbing, relaxed approach and humour. I hadn't expected or realised that during the awards ceremony, we would also be entertained by dancers, singers and performers on stage - Sarah Lancashire sang, we had performances from South Pacific, Singing in the Rain, Matilda, Crazy for You and the Wizard of Oz. We also had a stunning duet from the Royal Ballet and, when Sir Tim Rice was given a special asward, we had a real treat: a rendition of I Know Him So Well by Maria Friedman and another singer whose name I can't remember, an impeccable, emotionally soaring performance of Don't Cry for Me, Argentina by Elaine Paige, who spoke very movingly about Tim Rice. He was very humble in his response - he came across as a total gentleman and looked like the kind of person who would be very happy and entertaining just having a couple of glasses of wine in the pub! For me, one of the highlights of the day was the unexpected (by me!) end to the ceremony: in honour of Tim Rice, we had a performance of the opening number from The Lion King, complete with the magnificent animals processing down the aisles. I could feel myself welling up - I just remembered how overwhelmed I was when Neil and I went to see the show in January and I found myself crying as the curtains opened! What a magnificent end to the awards ceremony itself!
This wasn't the end, though - oh no! We were invited to the after-show party, so we moved upstairs with the other lucky invitees and started mingling. I tell you, it was wall-to-wall celebrity! I shall try and list those people I spoke to or saw: (deep breath)
Babs Windsor
Jim Carter
Imelda Staunton
Eric Pollard from Emmerdale
Sir Trevor Nunn
Jonny Lee Miller
Ruth Wilson
Gillian Bevan
Celia Imrie
Katherine Kelly (Becky from Corrie)
Lesley Manville
Kimberley Walsh
Ronan Keating
Sandra Dickinson
Michael Landon (Dempsey from Dempsey and Makepeace)
..and that's over and above the ones we saw on the red carpet!!
We spent some time chatting with Katherine Kelly, Celia Imrie, Gillian Bevan and Lesley Manville and I had a brief chat with Ronan Keating. Amy (daughter) had texted me to say that I was to ask Ronan Keating for his phone number, so I told him this and he laughed and said "Sure", but I didn't think this was a serious request or answer, so I just got my photo taken with him instead and sent it to Amy to make her feel jealous :-D (It worked!).
Without exception, all the people we met - actors, directors, producers, other guests - were charming, friendly and very happy to chat. I had a complete and utter blast! Lesley Manville even commented on my dress, yay! It was a totally fantastic evening and came to an end just before 1 a.m - Fin and I went back to his apartment and had a cup of tea (perfect end to a perfect day). By the time we finished chatting, it was nearly three in the morning - the latest night I have had in over a year! Well worth staying up so late, as I just had the most glorious time. Fin had said he hoped that going to this event would be good for my confidence and he was absolutely right - not once did I think about my face, but what I did think about was that actually, I looked pretty good in my frock and could hold my head up and talk to people without feeling I need to apologise or explain about how I look.
<unfolds piece of paper, adjusts microphone, clears throat>
I'd like to thank the following people:
My wonderful husband, Neil, for encouraging me to have the confidence to go out and enjoy myself without worrying about how I look and for telling me all the time how beautiful I am. Also for being so happy for me to be invited to such a prestigious event while he did the gardening and food shopping :-);
My children, for doing the same and for helping me choose my dress;
My amazing friends, for their encouragement and kind comments on Facebook about my dress
and finally, to my lovely friend Fin, for thinking of me and giving me the chance to be part of the wonderful world of London Theatre.
I might have introduced the above paragraph in a flippant way, but the sentiments are heartfelt and genuine. I feel very blessed.
I had this experience on a huge scale last night, when I was at the Olivier Awards at the Royal Opera House. My lovely friend, Fin, had invited me to accompany him to the awards ceremony and after-party - you'll remember the story of my posh frock shopping trip from an earlier blog!
I'll start the story of the day with arriving at Fin's apartment (it's far too gorgeous to call it a flat). I had been in Cambridge on a training course for my church - I think this means that I can now claim to have studied at Cambridge, don't you? Post-graduate course, obviously.....The course itself was really useful but it was pretty tiring, as there was a lot of information to assimilate and we did a lot of group work so the level of engagement required was quite high. The other delegates were from URCs across the UK and we had some time to socialise as well and a couple of hours to look around the beautiful city of Cambridge. I went for a run early on Saturday morning and running along the banks of the Cam, seeing the punts bobbing gently, the sun filtering through the trees and the peaceful start to the day as Cambridge came to life was a bit of a bonus (and helped counter-act the effects of the rather large amounts of food I consumed over the three days!).
I left Cambridge on Sunday morning, part-way through the morning sessions, so that I could arrive at Fin's for 1 pm. Thanks to the marvellously punctual FirstCapitalConnect train service and London Transport, I did actually appear on Fin's doorstep at about 2 minutes to 1 - how's that for timing?? After a quick catch-up, we both disappeared to our respective rooms to get ready. I put into practice the tips I had learned at my Look Good, Feel Better workshop at the Royal Marsden a few weeks ago and finally was ready to slip into my new frock. Gentle readers, I am delighted to say that I felt fabulous in it! Combined with the make-up and a very simple hairstyle, the dress made me feel that I looked the best I have since I had my surgery last year. Fin was in the kilt, a wonderfully unique red kilt with thistles incorporated into the panels. Which tartan? MacFlamboyant, I think :-) There's something about a man in a kilt that seems to appeal to people, because I lost count of the number of people who came up to us over the next twelve hours and commented on how fantastic Fin looked - and he did look fantastic! We felt quite the Beautiful Couple in our finery. We took a couple of photos in Fin's apartment and then went down to get our car to the Criterion restaurant, where Fin had booked a table for us to have lunch. It's a gorgeous restaurant, very opulent and glamorous and the staff all said how wonderful we looked, so my head was beginning to swell a bit!
I bet it's no surprise to you to learn that my very delicious meal was accompanied by champagne - oh yes! We started the day as we meant to go on - in style and with lots of bubbles! When it was time to leave for the pre-show drinks at the Waldorf (the glamour continues!), we realised that the rain was pouring down outside, scuppering our plans to walk from the Criterion to the Waldorf. We had been hoping that we might get mistaken for celebrities by tourists, because who else would be in full Highland dress and a floor-length silk dress in daylight?! However, since we didn't want to arrive in rain-spattered clothes and with frizzy hair (in my case!), Fin arranged for us to be picked up and driven to the Waldorf. We did get some appreciative comments and compliments from the groups of people outside the restaurant as we left and some Japanese/Korean tourists smiled and said something which we think might have been complimentary!
At the Waldorf, we were having pre-awards drinks with the group from Ghost - the Musical (the more sharp of memory amongst you will remember that Fin took me and two other uni friends to see this in January). The production was up for several awards, so our group was a mix of actors, producers, publicity, etc. Fin is one of the producers - the show is in preview stage on Broadway, so he will be going over for Press Night next week. If there's any justice in the world, it will be as phenomenally popular over there as it has been over here. I had several people comment on my frock, which made me feel good, as you can imagine.
Fin had forwarded me the email with details of the arrangements for the awards, in which we were advised that the only access to the Royal Opera House was via the red carpet...I've never been on a red carpet before! And this was no short, thin strip of CarpetRight - this was a long, very wide carpet, with barriers on either side, crowds of people lined up to watch everyone arrive, cameras flashing and people calling out the names of the various celebrities. Just walking up the red carpet, I walked past Natascha McElhone, James McAvoy, Anne-Marie Duff, Jack Davenport and Zoe Wanamaker. I was feeling a bit star-struck already! I took a photo of Fin with Zoe Wanamaker and with Jack Davenport and sneaked a few phone photos of the others on the red carpet.
We had fantastic seats in the ROH - front stalls, near the front. Patrick Stewart and Lenny Henry were two rows in front, Kara Tointon two rows behind, James McAvoy and Anne-Marie Duff one row in front, Zoe Wanamaker three rows in front, and June Brown (Dot Cotton from EastEnders) about five seats away from me. Phyllida Law (mother of Emma and Sophie Thompson) was almost right in front of me. Imelda Staunton and Michael Ball were hosting the awards for the second time, I think, and I thought they were really good - as with all of these events, you get blips and when the show is broadcast live, there's the potential for awkward silences and embarrassed throat clearing, but on the very small number of occasions where links or mics didn't work, they coped brilliantly - great ad-libbing, relaxed approach and humour. I hadn't expected or realised that during the awards ceremony, we would also be entertained by dancers, singers and performers on stage - Sarah Lancashire sang, we had performances from South Pacific, Singing in the Rain, Matilda, Crazy for You and the Wizard of Oz. We also had a stunning duet from the Royal Ballet and, when Sir Tim Rice was given a special asward, we had a real treat: a rendition of I Know Him So Well by Maria Friedman and another singer whose name I can't remember, an impeccable, emotionally soaring performance of Don't Cry for Me, Argentina by Elaine Paige, who spoke very movingly about Tim Rice. He was very humble in his response - he came across as a total gentleman and looked like the kind of person who would be very happy and entertaining just having a couple of glasses of wine in the pub! For me, one of the highlights of the day was the unexpected (by me!) end to the ceremony: in honour of Tim Rice, we had a performance of the opening number from The Lion King, complete with the magnificent animals processing down the aisles. I could feel myself welling up - I just remembered how overwhelmed I was when Neil and I went to see the show in January and I found myself crying as the curtains opened! What a magnificent end to the awards ceremony itself!
This wasn't the end, though - oh no! We were invited to the after-show party, so we moved upstairs with the other lucky invitees and started mingling. I tell you, it was wall-to-wall celebrity! I shall try and list those people I spoke to or saw: (deep breath)
Babs Windsor
Jim Carter
Imelda Staunton
Eric Pollard from Emmerdale
Sir Trevor Nunn
Jonny Lee Miller
Ruth Wilson
Gillian Bevan
Celia Imrie
Katherine Kelly (Becky from Corrie)
Lesley Manville
Kimberley Walsh
Ronan Keating
Sandra Dickinson
Michael Landon (Dempsey from Dempsey and Makepeace)
..and that's over and above the ones we saw on the red carpet!!
We spent some time chatting with Katherine Kelly, Celia Imrie, Gillian Bevan and Lesley Manville and I had a brief chat with Ronan Keating. Amy (daughter) had texted me to say that I was to ask Ronan Keating for his phone number, so I told him this and he laughed and said "Sure", but I didn't think this was a serious request or answer, so I just got my photo taken with him instead and sent it to Amy to make her feel jealous :-D (It worked!).
Without exception, all the people we met - actors, directors, producers, other guests - were charming, friendly and very happy to chat. I had a complete and utter blast! Lesley Manville even commented on my dress, yay! It was a totally fantastic evening and came to an end just before 1 a.m - Fin and I went back to his apartment and had a cup of tea (perfect end to a perfect day). By the time we finished chatting, it was nearly three in the morning - the latest night I have had in over a year! Well worth staying up so late, as I just had the most glorious time. Fin had said he hoped that going to this event would be good for my confidence and he was absolutely right - not once did I think about my face, but what I did think about was that actually, I looked pretty good in my frock and could hold my head up and talk to people without feeling I need to apologise or explain about how I look.
<unfolds piece of paper, adjusts microphone, clears throat>
I'd like to thank the following people:
My wonderful husband, Neil, for encouraging me to have the confidence to go out and enjoy myself without worrying about how I look and for telling me all the time how beautiful I am. Also for being so happy for me to be invited to such a prestigious event while he did the gardening and food shopping :-);
My children, for doing the same and for helping me choose my dress;
My amazing friends, for their encouragement and kind comments on Facebook about my dress
and finally, to my lovely friend Fin, for thinking of me and giving me the chance to be part of the wonderful world of London Theatre.
I might have introduced the above paragraph in a flippant way, but the sentiments are heartfelt and genuine. I feel very blessed.
Tuesday, 10 April 2012
Just over half of Seven Sisters....
It's been a fairly quiet week since my last blog. That's not a bad thing, actually, since I was pretty busy the previous week, with shopping, wedding, gym etc and this week is starting to get more filled, so it was probably good to have a bit of a lull.
I took my glam frock to be altered so that I don't trip over it when I am at the Olivier Awards (oh, have I mentioned I am going to those? I'm sure I must have, a few times at least.....!). The rest of the week was spent doing domestic stuff, chatting to Adam about uni and just pottering around. I have discovered a great talent for pottering around over the last few months. I can while away most of the day doing a bit of tidying here, some cleaning there, a little light dusting over there, a bit of reading, catching up with missed episodes of Corrie - it's easy to fill the time!
The only thing we had planned for Easter was to go walking on Saturday with our friend Jonathan. We have done a lot of walks with him over the years (he climbed Kili with us and has climbed various other big hills with Neil) and had arranged this a few weeks ago. We drove down to his house and then on to Seaford, where we started our walk. We did 18 miles (a bit more distance once you factor in the elevations), including four of the Seven Sisters - hence the title of this post! We had to take off our boots and socks and roll up our trouser legs to cross the river. I believe the water was what you would call "bracing" - we called it flipping freezing (one of those words may have been sanitised for public consumption....).
Our walk included a pub lunch, a cup of tea in Alfriston and coffee and a hot cross bun back at Jonathan's house, so we were in no danger of going thirsty or hungry. Back home by about 9 o'clock and both of us were pretty tired by our day. I also had a little blister on the pad of my big toe - this is officially Not Good, as I need to get rid of it before VLM day, so I had to prick it (apologies to those of you with needle phobias, but sometimes it's the only thing to be done!).
On Sunday, I was reading at church and had also arranged to make an announcement before the start of the service asking for sponsorship for VLM. People were so generous and I raised another few hundred pounds, so I am able to pass over a respectable amount of money to Macmillan Cancer Support. I am humbled and thankful for the generosity of so many people, not just in terms of financial support for Macmillan, but for practical and emotional support over the past year and continuing now, as I start to gear up for the start of work on my face, beginning with my first Botox treatment next month. I tell you, I am going to end up looking younger than my peers :-)
I arrived home from church and my baby brother had arrived - he is visiting us for a few days. We don't get many opportunities to spend time together, so it's great having some time to chat or just sit watching Who Wants to be a Millionaire, which is what we're doing right now! We had a traditional Easter roast and were joined by the young lad whom our son is working 1-2-1 with this week. He is non-verbal autistic and an absolutely beautiful, delightful boy, even if he is very tiring and demanding to care for. It was good to have our family all together again for a meal, with the addition of my baby brother and this young lad.
We didn't really do anything on Easter Monday - weather pretty shabby, so a walk or bike ride were out of the question. We called round to see our friends, played with their puppy (no, not a euphemism) and then came home for a Quiet Night In.
Today, back to exercise - I have missed it over the past couple of days and, because I hadn't done a lot last week, was feeling a bit lardy. So, today I have been to the gym, a Zumba class and Pilates this evening. I feel much better for it too.
And so to now, and we are about to watch a programme on BBC2 about the Royal Marsden Hospital, where I was so well cared for last year. I'm not sure how easy the programme will be to watch, whether it will remind me of a difficult and distressing time, but I do feel it's important to watch it. They do wonderful work and it's good that people know about them.
I took my glam frock to be altered so that I don't trip over it when I am at the Olivier Awards (oh, have I mentioned I am going to those? I'm sure I must have, a few times at least.....!). The rest of the week was spent doing domestic stuff, chatting to Adam about uni and just pottering around. I have discovered a great talent for pottering around over the last few months. I can while away most of the day doing a bit of tidying here, some cleaning there, a little light dusting over there, a bit of reading, catching up with missed episodes of Corrie - it's easy to fill the time!
The only thing we had planned for Easter was to go walking on Saturday with our friend Jonathan. We have done a lot of walks with him over the years (he climbed Kili with us and has climbed various other big hills with Neil) and had arranged this a few weeks ago. We drove down to his house and then on to Seaford, where we started our walk. We did 18 miles (a bit more distance once you factor in the elevations), including four of the Seven Sisters - hence the title of this post! We had to take off our boots and socks and roll up our trouser legs to cross the river. I believe the water was what you would call "bracing" - we called it flipping freezing (one of those words may have been sanitised for public consumption....).
Our walk included a pub lunch, a cup of tea in Alfriston and coffee and a hot cross bun back at Jonathan's house, so we were in no danger of going thirsty or hungry. Back home by about 9 o'clock and both of us were pretty tired by our day. I also had a little blister on the pad of my big toe - this is officially Not Good, as I need to get rid of it before VLM day, so I had to prick it (apologies to those of you with needle phobias, but sometimes it's the only thing to be done!).
On Sunday, I was reading at church and had also arranged to make an announcement before the start of the service asking for sponsorship for VLM. People were so generous and I raised another few hundred pounds, so I am able to pass over a respectable amount of money to Macmillan Cancer Support. I am humbled and thankful for the generosity of so many people, not just in terms of financial support for Macmillan, but for practical and emotional support over the past year and continuing now, as I start to gear up for the start of work on my face, beginning with my first Botox treatment next month. I tell you, I am going to end up looking younger than my peers :-)
I arrived home from church and my baby brother had arrived - he is visiting us for a few days. We don't get many opportunities to spend time together, so it's great having some time to chat or just sit watching Who Wants to be a Millionaire, which is what we're doing right now! We had a traditional Easter roast and were joined by the young lad whom our son is working 1-2-1 with this week. He is non-verbal autistic and an absolutely beautiful, delightful boy, even if he is very tiring and demanding to care for. It was good to have our family all together again for a meal, with the addition of my baby brother and this young lad.
We didn't really do anything on Easter Monday - weather pretty shabby, so a walk or bike ride were out of the question. We called round to see our friends, played with their puppy (no, not a euphemism) and then came home for a Quiet Night In.
Today, back to exercise - I have missed it over the past couple of days and, because I hadn't done a lot last week, was feeling a bit lardy. So, today I have been to the gym, a Zumba class and Pilates this evening. I feel much better for it too.
And so to now, and we are about to watch a programme on BBC2 about the Royal Marsden Hospital, where I was so well cared for last year. I'm not sure how easy the programme will be to watch, whether it will remind me of a difficult and distressing time, but I do feel it's important to watch it. They do wonderful work and it's good that people know about them.
Monday, 2 April 2012
The one with the posh frocks and the wedding....
I'm sitting in the conservatory, sunshine streaming through the glass and warming me up. Lady Sybil (cat) is asleep on the other armchair, basking in the heat and dreaming feline dreams.
My positive, happy streak continues. On Friday afternoon, Amy and I drove through to Tunbridge Wells to look for a glamorous frock for me to wear to the VIP event I have been lucky enough to be invited to by my old friend from uni, Fin. He has invited me to be his guest at the Olivier Awards at the Royal Opera House and at the after-show party as well, so I shall be engaging in some major celebrity spotting, probably looking completely star-struck as I recognise faces that have been on my tv or film screen over the years.....I shall try to preserve some air of sophistication, an attempt to be very cool about the fact that I am breathing in the same air as the elite of London's theatres, but I can't imagine I will be very successful! Anyway, as you can imagine, a glittering evening demands a suitable dress. While I have some lovely posh frocks, they are all too big for me now and it's important to feel you're looking your best, isn't it? I was recommended a vintage clothes shop in T Wells, so off we went to have a look at it.
It's strange how calling something "vintage" somehow makes it sound less like second-hand, which is, after all, what it is! It's not much different from buying clothes in a charity shop, just a different price range and designer labels rather than high street names. The woman who runs the shop was really helpful - we explained what the occasion was and she asked me what kind of dress I wanted and then picked out several dresses for me to try on. I had gone in thinking that I would get something quietly under-stated and subtle (no point in trying to compete with people who are given gowns for the evening by designers desperate to have their creations featured on the red carpet, I feel!) but in the end, I came out with something quite the opposite! As soon as I put it on, I knew it was the one to get and Amy and the shop owner agreed. It capitalises on the fact that I am slimmer than I've ever been and just makes me feel like a million dollars. It needs to be shortened, as at the moment I trip over the hem, being a bit of a shorty! It's been worn once, for a photo-shoot for a magazine feature, so the model would have been typical model height and considerably taller than I am! I also need a couple of stitches to protect my modesty, as it presents a certain corsetry challenge, shall we say?? It's a beautiful dress and needs very little accessorising, so no need for lots of jewellery. I've got the perfect shoes and bag to go with it, so I just need to work out how I shall wear my hair and do the other various grooming routines. I'm so glad I had my make-up session at the Marsden last week, as I definitely feel more confident when I have made up my face.
Amy got a beautiful dress, which she shared with everyone on Facebook - a great bargain, as it is a David Emanual (of Princess Diana's wedding dress fame) with the tag still attached and we got it for a phenomenally low price. She wore it to the wedding we went to on Saturday, when Neil's oldest nephew got married. That was a lovely occasion - seeing two people making that commitment to each other and being part of their very special day is such a privilege. It was great to catch up with Neil's family too, who had gathered in Luton (bride's home town) from their homes in Devon, Suffolk and Hampshire. Amy and Adam were a great credit to us and we were very proud of them - Adam spent a long time talking to the bridegroom's grandma (no blood relation to us), who didn't really know anyone except for her son, daughter-in-law and grandchildren and he really looked after her and afterwards said how much fun he'd had chatting to her. Meanwhile, Amy got her cousins up onto the dance floor and was the leader of the energetic dancing! Adam got up to join her and it was so lovely to see the two of them laughing together and having fun with their cousins. Adam had only got home from uni at about half eleven the previous night, so we were delighted to have him back again and have our little family unit complete once more, even if he's only home for two weeks.
I had volunteered to drive us home from Luton, since Neil doesn't often get the chance to spend time with his family and he spent all of last year ferrying me around, so I felt that he should have the chance to have a couple of beers if he wanted and not have to take the responsibility of driving us home. I did start to flag at about half nine but it took another three quarters of an hour to get our children off the dance floor, as they were having such a good time, leaping around and "busting their moves", as I believe the young people say nowadays <old gimmer emoticon>.... The drive home was fine and was the farthest I've driven in over a year, so that's another milestone achieved.
Quiet day on Sunday, church and then lounging about reading the Sunday papers and cooking a roast dinner - how lovely it was to be sitting all together round the table again! Adam went out in the evening to catch up with his friends (he is working all over Easter at Disability Challengers playscheme and also doing 1-2-1 work with a young boy with severe autism, whom he and Amy have worked with for several years now, so won't have that much free time to see his mates) and Amy, Neil and I played a board game.
Today, I've been round to my friend Sally's for tea and birthday cake, as it's her birthday today. I absolutely love my life right now - I feel healthy, I have my lovely family and friends around me, I am starting to give something back by helping out at Orpheus and I feel altogether more positive about things than I have done in a long time. Yes, it's sobering to remember that a year ago yesterday, I had my biopsy and, looking back, the fact that the doctor went straight for a biopsy rather than a fine needle sample should have started some alarm bells ringing, but that's what hindsight does for you! Four months ago, I couldn't see that I would ever have any energy again, yet now I am exercising on a regular basis and finding more stamina every week.
I'm alive and I'm grateful.
My positive, happy streak continues. On Friday afternoon, Amy and I drove through to Tunbridge Wells to look for a glamorous frock for me to wear to the VIP event I have been lucky enough to be invited to by my old friend from uni, Fin. He has invited me to be his guest at the Olivier Awards at the Royal Opera House and at the after-show party as well, so I shall be engaging in some major celebrity spotting, probably looking completely star-struck as I recognise faces that have been on my tv or film screen over the years.....I shall try to preserve some air of sophistication, an attempt to be very cool about the fact that I am breathing in the same air as the elite of London's theatres, but I can't imagine I will be very successful! Anyway, as you can imagine, a glittering evening demands a suitable dress. While I have some lovely posh frocks, they are all too big for me now and it's important to feel you're looking your best, isn't it? I was recommended a vintage clothes shop in T Wells, so off we went to have a look at it.
It's strange how calling something "vintage" somehow makes it sound less like second-hand, which is, after all, what it is! It's not much different from buying clothes in a charity shop, just a different price range and designer labels rather than high street names. The woman who runs the shop was really helpful - we explained what the occasion was and she asked me what kind of dress I wanted and then picked out several dresses for me to try on. I had gone in thinking that I would get something quietly under-stated and subtle (no point in trying to compete with people who are given gowns for the evening by designers desperate to have their creations featured on the red carpet, I feel!) but in the end, I came out with something quite the opposite! As soon as I put it on, I knew it was the one to get and Amy and the shop owner agreed. It capitalises on the fact that I am slimmer than I've ever been and just makes me feel like a million dollars. It needs to be shortened, as at the moment I trip over the hem, being a bit of a shorty! It's been worn once, for a photo-shoot for a magazine feature, so the model would have been typical model height and considerably taller than I am! I also need a couple of stitches to protect my modesty, as it presents a certain corsetry challenge, shall we say?? It's a beautiful dress and needs very little accessorising, so no need for lots of jewellery. I've got the perfect shoes and bag to go with it, so I just need to work out how I shall wear my hair and do the other various grooming routines. I'm so glad I had my make-up session at the Marsden last week, as I definitely feel more confident when I have made up my face.
Amy got a beautiful dress, which she shared with everyone on Facebook - a great bargain, as it is a David Emanual (of Princess Diana's wedding dress fame) with the tag still attached and we got it for a phenomenally low price. She wore it to the wedding we went to on Saturday, when Neil's oldest nephew got married. That was a lovely occasion - seeing two people making that commitment to each other and being part of their very special day is such a privilege. It was great to catch up with Neil's family too, who had gathered in Luton (bride's home town) from their homes in Devon, Suffolk and Hampshire. Amy and Adam were a great credit to us and we were very proud of them - Adam spent a long time talking to the bridegroom's grandma (no blood relation to us), who didn't really know anyone except for her son, daughter-in-law and grandchildren and he really looked after her and afterwards said how much fun he'd had chatting to her. Meanwhile, Amy got her cousins up onto the dance floor and was the leader of the energetic dancing! Adam got up to join her and it was so lovely to see the two of them laughing together and having fun with their cousins. Adam had only got home from uni at about half eleven the previous night, so we were delighted to have him back again and have our little family unit complete once more, even if he's only home for two weeks.
I had volunteered to drive us home from Luton, since Neil doesn't often get the chance to spend time with his family and he spent all of last year ferrying me around, so I felt that he should have the chance to have a couple of beers if he wanted and not have to take the responsibility of driving us home. I did start to flag at about half nine but it took another three quarters of an hour to get our children off the dance floor, as they were having such a good time, leaping around and "busting their moves", as I believe the young people say nowadays <old gimmer emoticon>.... The drive home was fine and was the farthest I've driven in over a year, so that's another milestone achieved.
Quiet day on Sunday, church and then lounging about reading the Sunday papers and cooking a roast dinner - how lovely it was to be sitting all together round the table again! Adam went out in the evening to catch up with his friends (he is working all over Easter at Disability Challengers playscheme and also doing 1-2-1 work with a young boy with severe autism, whom he and Amy have worked with for several years now, so won't have that much free time to see his mates) and Amy, Neil and I played a board game.
Today, I've been round to my friend Sally's for tea and birthday cake, as it's her birthday today. I absolutely love my life right now - I feel healthy, I have my lovely family and friends around me, I am starting to give something back by helping out at Orpheus and I feel altogether more positive about things than I have done in a long time. Yes, it's sobering to remember that a year ago yesterday, I had my biopsy and, looking back, the fact that the doctor went straight for a biopsy rather than a fine needle sample should have started some alarm bells ringing, but that's what hindsight does for you! Four months ago, I couldn't see that I would ever have any energy again, yet now I am exercising on a regular basis and finding more stamina every week.
I'm alive and I'm grateful.
Thursday, 29 March 2012
Agatha Christie, Jane Austen, Laurent Perrier and other famous names....
Why, you may ask, have I listed several well-known names as the title of this blog entry? Have patient, dear reader - all will become clear!
Let me start with Tuesday, when I completed my second volunteer stint at The Orpheus Centre. This week, I was working along with another volunteer and together we were helping one of the students complete their work experience log. You will understand that I have to be circumspect about giving names of students, so I shall refer to this student as S. S has cerebral palsy, with very little speech and spasticity in her arms and legs. She is a wheelchair user and her main method of communication is with the help of an ingenious little book which uses pictures and symbols to work from a main menu down to individual words, based on categories. S can nod or shake her head, or maybe blink, to show when we are at the right picture/symbol. By using this, we were able to help her complete assignment sheets about her work experience. While physically limited, S has an intelligence with shines through when she communicates and she can show very clearly that she understands and is interested in what is going on. Both the other volunteer and I felt that S had taught us something, as we learned to use her communication book and she was really patient with our fumbling attempts to move smoothly between the pages and reach the word she wanted! She had been skiing recently and we were looking at the photos of her on her adapted ski-chair - fantastic that it's now seen as natural that people with a disability can take part in things like skiing (and long overdue, too).
After our morning session, we ate lunch outside and some students joined us. While many of them go to their flats for lunch, some will eat in the cafeteria and there are day students who don't have accommodation to go to, so they will eat there too. I like chatting to the students and finding out more about them and what they think. They like finding out about us too, and of course, they're very interested by the fact that Amy works there and I am her mum! To be honest, I think that interests quite a few of the volunteers too :-). We had an interesting discussion about the responsibility of choosing a name for your child and whether you should choose something that is "different" or stick to tried and tested (names and/or spellings!). After lunch and self-directed study, when I helped the student I had been working with last week to complete more of her work experience record, we went to the Barn for some of the groups to demonstrate what they had been working on this term. It was a real insight into the variety of activities and the different talents and skills the students have. We learned about the enterprise work of one group, growing and selling vegetables and the different dishes they cooked with their own ingredients. We also heard some of the experiemental music group's work, which was a really diverse set of pieces, with really personal interpretations and insights. I come home from my time there with a lighter heart and a smile on my face - the students and staff are really inspirational (a word that is a bit over-used nowadays, but which I think is entirely appropriate in this instance).
Following Pilates, my lovely hairdresser came round to wash and dry my hair because yesterday (Wednesday) I went, along with T (hairdresser) and four of her friends, on T's "hen day". I can tell you that there wasn't an L plate, pretend veil or set of wings to be seen, because this hen and her chicks did something totally different to the usual "dress up, be silly, get trollied" outings that seem to be splashed all over our town centres (and tabloid papers) on a regular basis. Instead, we dressed up smartly and went to Bath on the Orient Express!! What an experience!! For sheer opulence, glamour, old-fashioned sophistication and luxurious surroundings, all wrapped up in superb service, this is second to none. All the staff, in pristine uniform and universally smiling, friendly and polite, could not do enough to make us feel special. We were shown to our seats, our jackets placed on the racks above us, heavy bags stowed away and our chairs pushed in as we sat down. Our "main man", Artur, introduced himself and said that whatever we needed, we only had to ask him - and then he proceeded to pour us each a Bellini (my kind of start to a train journey!). We were then served (silver service) a freshly-cooked and delicious brunch; smoked salmon and caviar, scrambled eggs with chives - the works. After plenty of tea and coffee, Danish pastries etc, we had the chance to view the train. It was well worth walking the length of the train and seeing the different styles of Pullman carriage - they are all named individually and have their own theme and history. Our carriage was Cygnus and there were swans incorporated into the decor, including a mosaic on the floor of the loo! One of my great heroes is Winston Churchill and I was particularly pleased that Cygnus was one of two carriages on our train which was part of his funeral train. That sounds like a strange and possibly morbid thing to be pleased about, but it made me feel some sort of connection with the great man. I get the same feeling living near his home at Chartwell - he must have walked down, or (more likely) been driven down the same roads that I use sometimes.
We arrived in Bath to blazing sunshine and were taken on a tour of the city by bus, including the famous Crescent, and then T had arranged for us to see a demonstration of glass-blowing, with the chance for us each to blow a glass bubble. That was a bit of a challenge for someone whose mouth only half-works, but I managed to create a fairly respectable, if weirdly shaped, bubble! T is the most sweetly generous and kind person and had arranged for us all to have an amount of money to spend in the glass work's gift shop, in addition to subsidising the cost of the day (I told you she was generous!) so we had fun choosing what to purchase. I chose two lovely turquoise-coloured wine goblets, as I thought they would be totally suited to sipping a pre- or post-prandial drink in the garden over the summer....assuming we have decent weather and that this current spell of warmth and sunshine isn't all we get this year!
After this, it was time to return to the station to catch the train home. That makes it sound like a daily commute, but it bears no resemblance to the London Bridge-Oxted service except for the fact that it runs on the same gauge track! A glass of champagne for each of us once we were seated set the standard for the journey and we enjoyed a superb four course meal, with wine and champagne (again, generously provided by T) and, as the wine flowed, so did the conversation! I really enjoyed meeting T's friends, all of whom I met for the first time yesterday, and I really did feel that I made some new friends and that we will keep in touch. That's a good feeling, isn't it? I like the thought that we can gather new friends as we go through life and that our friendship bank account can increase its balance. I've had a couple of debits to my friendship bank account over the last year, as I've mentioned in previous blogs, but a huge number of credits, so overall, I'm in a healthier fiscal friendship position than last March (if that makes any sense at all!).
The journey home just whizzed by - doesn't time always fly when you're enjoying yourself? - and all too soon we arrived back at Victoria and returned to normal, catching the train back to Oxted, where T's soon-to-be husband was waiting to drive us all home (he's lovely too!). I was full of my trip when I came home, babbling on to Neil and Amy, who were *enjoying* assembling a wardrobe for Amy's new bedroom....... I was very pleased that I managed to drink some champagne on the way home (I tried a sip of the very nice red wine, but it still tastes like vinegar to me), as it felt like I was just the same as everyone else, enjoying a little drink. And yes, I did enjoy it!
Today was the last meeting of my Lent group, which I have been hosting at our house for the past five weeks. It's a great little group, from across several of our local churches, so we have different denominations represented, and we have all been interested in, and respectful of, each other's views and beliefs. To close the session, we had decided to have a simple lunch together, so I made some soup and we had that with bread. Our theme today was Communion, so it seemed appropriate to "break bread" together. I have felt very blessed by my little Lent group and the trust we have all placed in each other to respect our thoughts and beliefs. They very kindly bought me and the Leader of the group a beautiful plant in a basket as a thank you (totally unnecessary, but very sweet of them) and the Leader had also bought me one, so I have beautiful colour in my sitting-room. I'd suggested that instead of people bringing things for lunch, I would provide it and people could make a contribution towards Fairtrade, which is supported by all the local churches, so we have a nice little sum to hand over to them.
I did have to take some photos today to renew my passport and I have to be honest and say that I found it difficult to look at them. I think that, like a lot of people, what I see in the mirror isn't necessarily how I look to other people and how I look in the mirror is definitely not what I see when I look at my photos! However, my passport expires soon (so does my MOT, but that doesn't need a photo!) and I do look different from my old passport photo, so have to have a new one done. If/when I end up having facial surgery and I look different again, I can always apply to change the photo at that point, but in the meantime, I have to go with how it is now. I suspect that if I had had to take these photos six, or even three, months ago, I would have been quite upset. Now I can almost shrug my shoulders and say "Well, that's how I look, so just accept it". I think that is progress.
Overall, my positive streak continues. I'm doing lots of lovely things and generally feel happy and strong. I think a lot of this is linked to this beautiful weather, so I'm not looking forward to the change this weekend...we are going to a family wedding on Saturday and, while I'm sure the bride and groom won't care about the weather, I can't help feeling that it's a bit disappointing that the temperature is going to drop by about 9 degrees and the gorgeous sunshine is going to be covered by cloud! Adam comes home from uni tomorrow, so my little family unit will be complete for a couple of weeks and I am really looking forward to that - and on that happy note, I shall sign off!
Let me start with Tuesday, when I completed my second volunteer stint at The Orpheus Centre. This week, I was working along with another volunteer and together we were helping one of the students complete their work experience log. You will understand that I have to be circumspect about giving names of students, so I shall refer to this student as S. S has cerebral palsy, with very little speech and spasticity in her arms and legs. She is a wheelchair user and her main method of communication is with the help of an ingenious little book which uses pictures and symbols to work from a main menu down to individual words, based on categories. S can nod or shake her head, or maybe blink, to show when we are at the right picture/symbol. By using this, we were able to help her complete assignment sheets about her work experience. While physically limited, S has an intelligence with shines through when she communicates and she can show very clearly that she understands and is interested in what is going on. Both the other volunteer and I felt that S had taught us something, as we learned to use her communication book and she was really patient with our fumbling attempts to move smoothly between the pages and reach the word she wanted! She had been skiing recently and we were looking at the photos of her on her adapted ski-chair - fantastic that it's now seen as natural that people with a disability can take part in things like skiing (and long overdue, too).
After our morning session, we ate lunch outside and some students joined us. While many of them go to their flats for lunch, some will eat in the cafeteria and there are day students who don't have accommodation to go to, so they will eat there too. I like chatting to the students and finding out more about them and what they think. They like finding out about us too, and of course, they're very interested by the fact that Amy works there and I am her mum! To be honest, I think that interests quite a few of the volunteers too :-). We had an interesting discussion about the responsibility of choosing a name for your child and whether you should choose something that is "different" or stick to tried and tested (names and/or spellings!). After lunch and self-directed study, when I helped the student I had been working with last week to complete more of her work experience record, we went to the Barn for some of the groups to demonstrate what they had been working on this term. It was a real insight into the variety of activities and the different talents and skills the students have. We learned about the enterprise work of one group, growing and selling vegetables and the different dishes they cooked with their own ingredients. We also heard some of the experiemental music group's work, which was a really diverse set of pieces, with really personal interpretations and insights. I come home from my time there with a lighter heart and a smile on my face - the students and staff are really inspirational (a word that is a bit over-used nowadays, but which I think is entirely appropriate in this instance).
Following Pilates, my lovely hairdresser came round to wash and dry my hair because yesterday (Wednesday) I went, along with T (hairdresser) and four of her friends, on T's "hen day". I can tell you that there wasn't an L plate, pretend veil or set of wings to be seen, because this hen and her chicks did something totally different to the usual "dress up, be silly, get trollied" outings that seem to be splashed all over our town centres (and tabloid papers) on a regular basis. Instead, we dressed up smartly and went to Bath on the Orient Express!! What an experience!! For sheer opulence, glamour, old-fashioned sophistication and luxurious surroundings, all wrapped up in superb service, this is second to none. All the staff, in pristine uniform and universally smiling, friendly and polite, could not do enough to make us feel special. We were shown to our seats, our jackets placed on the racks above us, heavy bags stowed away and our chairs pushed in as we sat down. Our "main man", Artur, introduced himself and said that whatever we needed, we only had to ask him - and then he proceeded to pour us each a Bellini (my kind of start to a train journey!). We were then served (silver service) a freshly-cooked and delicious brunch; smoked salmon and caviar, scrambled eggs with chives - the works. After plenty of tea and coffee, Danish pastries etc, we had the chance to view the train. It was well worth walking the length of the train and seeing the different styles of Pullman carriage - they are all named individually and have their own theme and history. Our carriage was Cygnus and there were swans incorporated into the decor, including a mosaic on the floor of the loo! One of my great heroes is Winston Churchill and I was particularly pleased that Cygnus was one of two carriages on our train which was part of his funeral train. That sounds like a strange and possibly morbid thing to be pleased about, but it made me feel some sort of connection with the great man. I get the same feeling living near his home at Chartwell - he must have walked down, or (more likely) been driven down the same roads that I use sometimes.
We arrived in Bath to blazing sunshine and were taken on a tour of the city by bus, including the famous Crescent, and then T had arranged for us to see a demonstration of glass-blowing, with the chance for us each to blow a glass bubble. That was a bit of a challenge for someone whose mouth only half-works, but I managed to create a fairly respectable, if weirdly shaped, bubble! T is the most sweetly generous and kind person and had arranged for us all to have an amount of money to spend in the glass work's gift shop, in addition to subsidising the cost of the day (I told you she was generous!) so we had fun choosing what to purchase. I chose two lovely turquoise-coloured wine goblets, as I thought they would be totally suited to sipping a pre- or post-prandial drink in the garden over the summer....assuming we have decent weather and that this current spell of warmth and sunshine isn't all we get this year!
After this, it was time to return to the station to catch the train home. That makes it sound like a daily commute, but it bears no resemblance to the London Bridge-Oxted service except for the fact that it runs on the same gauge track! A glass of champagne for each of us once we were seated set the standard for the journey and we enjoyed a superb four course meal, with wine and champagne (again, generously provided by T) and, as the wine flowed, so did the conversation! I really enjoyed meeting T's friends, all of whom I met for the first time yesterday, and I really did feel that I made some new friends and that we will keep in touch. That's a good feeling, isn't it? I like the thought that we can gather new friends as we go through life and that our friendship bank account can increase its balance. I've had a couple of debits to my friendship bank account over the last year, as I've mentioned in previous blogs, but a huge number of credits, so overall, I'm in a healthier fiscal friendship position than last March (if that makes any sense at all!).
The journey home just whizzed by - doesn't time always fly when you're enjoying yourself? - and all too soon we arrived back at Victoria and returned to normal, catching the train back to Oxted, where T's soon-to-be husband was waiting to drive us all home (he's lovely too!). I was full of my trip when I came home, babbling on to Neil and Amy, who were *enjoying* assembling a wardrobe for Amy's new bedroom....... I was very pleased that I managed to drink some champagne on the way home (I tried a sip of the very nice red wine, but it still tastes like vinegar to me), as it felt like I was just the same as everyone else, enjoying a little drink. And yes, I did enjoy it!
Today was the last meeting of my Lent group, which I have been hosting at our house for the past five weeks. It's a great little group, from across several of our local churches, so we have different denominations represented, and we have all been interested in, and respectful of, each other's views and beliefs. To close the session, we had decided to have a simple lunch together, so I made some soup and we had that with bread. Our theme today was Communion, so it seemed appropriate to "break bread" together. I have felt very blessed by my little Lent group and the trust we have all placed in each other to respect our thoughts and beliefs. They very kindly bought me and the Leader of the group a beautiful plant in a basket as a thank you (totally unnecessary, but very sweet of them) and the Leader had also bought me one, so I have beautiful colour in my sitting-room. I'd suggested that instead of people bringing things for lunch, I would provide it and people could make a contribution towards Fairtrade, which is supported by all the local churches, so we have a nice little sum to hand over to them.
I did have to take some photos today to renew my passport and I have to be honest and say that I found it difficult to look at them. I think that, like a lot of people, what I see in the mirror isn't necessarily how I look to other people and how I look in the mirror is definitely not what I see when I look at my photos! However, my passport expires soon (so does my MOT, but that doesn't need a photo!) and I do look different from my old passport photo, so have to have a new one done. If/when I end up having facial surgery and I look different again, I can always apply to change the photo at that point, but in the meantime, I have to go with how it is now. I suspect that if I had had to take these photos six, or even three, months ago, I would have been quite upset. Now I can almost shrug my shoulders and say "Well, that's how I look, so just accept it". I think that is progress.
Overall, my positive streak continues. I'm doing lots of lovely things and generally feel happy and strong. I think a lot of this is linked to this beautiful weather, so I'm not looking forward to the change this weekend...we are going to a family wedding on Saturday and, while I'm sure the bride and groom won't care about the weather, I can't help feeling that it's a bit disappointing that the temperature is going to drop by about 9 degrees and the gorgeous sunshine is going to be covered by cloud! Adam comes home from uni tomorrow, so my little family unit will be complete for a couple of weeks and I am really looking forward to that - and on that happy note, I shall sign off!
Monday, 26 March 2012
On make-up, confidence and Good Things....
Well, my positive streak continues, despite my thinking that the bubble was bound to burst last week - after all, I don't normally get a prolonged spell of nice things and good news, do I? Certainly not over the past 12 months!
Last Friday, I went to the Ideal Home Show with my friends Sally and Sue. I hadn't been there for a few years and we decided to make it a bit of a "girls' day out", even though we're no longer girls - ah, well! We had a really lovely, relaxed day - looked round a couple of the show homes, wandered round sampling cheese and sausages, plenty of tea breaks etc and a champagne break, since Sue had found out she's going to be a grandmother so we had a little celebration. Sadly, I was only able to have a couple of mouthfuls and then poured the rest into their glasses - I am a total lightweight when it comes to alcohol nowadays, even my beloved fizzy. It's not a problem, really, since I don't need alcohol to have a good time - and itmakes me a very cheap date!
Neil and I had friends coming round for dinner that evening, so we left the Show about half three and I was home by just after five o'clock. Luckily <taps nose> I had prepared pudding the previous evening and planned a cold starter, so it was a question of assembling the main course (Chicken Basque from the wonderful St Delia) and bunging it into the oven. I love it when you can just throw everything into one bit casserole dish and not have to faff about with vegetables, side dishes, etc, especially when time is a wee bit tight! The friends we had round were from Neil's cycling club, with their wives, and we had a lovely evening - good chat, the food seemed to go down well, lots of laughter. I was a wee bit tired after a day out (although we strolled around the IHS, it was still quite tiring for me because I was doing a lot of chatting, which always wears me out) but once we sat down at the table, Neil did all the fetching and carrying and our friends helped clear the table at the end of the evening, so I was able to sit and take it easy. It's nice to be entertaining people again - some small recompense for all the support I've had from friends over the past year.
Saturday dawned sunny and warm. Neil went out for a bike ride and I went out for a run on the Downs. I managed six miles (six slow miles!), which is the farthest I've run in over a year, so I was really happy with that - just glorious to be out there in the sunshine, running through the trees and enjoying the Spring air. The afternoon was spent doing laundry, cleaning windows (drawback of sunshine is that every smear or speck of dust is really magnified...) while Neil mowed the lawn and then started building the furniture for Amy's bedroom - ah yes! the joys of flatpack IKEA chests of drawers.....we know how to live!
Sunday brought church - I had signed up to do a reading, which I still find a bit challenging, since it involves standing at the front of the church with everyone looking at me, but I reminded myself that I was amongst friends and the important thing was to read. My looks are immaterial to this. It was fine and I had decided to download the text onto my iPad and use that to read from, instead of taking a Bible or printing out the text. This provided a source of interest to people afterwards, when we were having tea, as they wanted to have a look at it and see how it all worked. One of my good and lovely friends in the congregation came up to me afterwards and said that, when I was standing at the front, she could hardly see any difference between the two sides of my face, because there's been some good recovery - as always, I see the difference whereas other people see the similarities!
The rest of Sunday was more flatpack assembly (Neil), more cleaning and tidying (me) and then a relaxing evening, although I did have to review Adam's English essay (just for spelling and grammar, logical structure, etc) before he handed it in today. I also managed to spark a debate on Facebook because I got annoyed about the use of 's to make a plural, instead of just s - while most people seemed to support what I said, there was a certain level of dissent, which made for a lively discussion! I do think it's important to write and spell correctly and I just don't accept that it's somehow less important in informal communications like emails (dyslexia and vision problems excepted). I am also fed up with being told I am somehow a boring, anally-retentive member of the Grammar Gestapo for thinking that grammar and spelling are important. Hey ho, that's the way it goes, I guess - we will end up breeding a generation of people who think that the word "have" is spelt "of" and it becomes the (accepted) norm; meanwhile, people who think like I do just give up.....
And so to today - a little run this morning and then off to the Marsden this afternoon for my Look Good, Feel Better workshop. This is the charity arm of the cosmetic and beauty industry - they run regular workshops for women who are undergoing, or have been through, treatment for cancer. Many, of course, have lost their hair as a result of chemo and there are other side-effects which change the way a lot of women cancer patients feel about themselves and the way they look. For myself, I think you all know how much the facial palsy has affected my confidence in many ways - not just what I look like (I still get a shock when I look in the mirror, because I somehow don't expect to look like that), but my confidence in my ability to cope in social situations, being understood when I speak (especially on the phone), even driving - and as for feeling feminine, forget about it. It's a bit like the feeling you get when you're pregnant, that you stop being a woman (ironically, given that being pregnant is the best visible demonstration of being a woman) but become a "body" instead. I have felt a bit like that - I stopped being a woman but became a person who had this nasty little invader spreading through my body. Losing confidence in your looks (and let's be honest, I was never model material to begin with, but at least I could scrub up reasonably well) means that it's well nigh impossible to feel that you're making the best of yourself in social situations like parties, weddings, even just dinner parties. I haven't bothered with make-up because I've felt there's no point in it. I'd rather just skulk around and not draw attention to my face - admittedly, I have improved from my worst point, when my face was at its worst, but I still don't relish the thought of being the focus of people's attention and being looked at and I still feel uncomfortable having my photo taken. This self-confidence issue is one I do struggle with (I know I'm not alone in this and that it affects many people who haven't got facial palsy).
However, today, although I was the only person at the workshop who had facial palsy, I had a little bit of a breakthrough - yes, dear readers, I put on make-up and was pleased with the result. I can see the improvement, I got lots of advice about how to deal with the difference in the size of my eyes and I feel more able to try and make myself look a bit more presentable. This is not to say that I think I need to wear make-up every day to face the world, but it's nice to know that I can make more of myself when I want to. We are going to a family wedding on Saturday and I can put some slap on and know that it won't make me look worse - there's a reason why make-up is sometimes called "war paint" - it's another weapon I can use to arm myself before I face the public. I can also put my new-found knowledge into practice on Wednesday, when I have a very exciting day planned - a day trip to Bath on the Orient Express, no less! My hairdresser is getting married in Italy in July and for her "hen do", six of us are going to Bath, with a champagne breakfast on the way there and dinner on the return journey. It is going to be amazing - I love trains and especially the opulence and glamour of luxury trains like the Orient Express. My make-up workshop has been very timely!
Back to the Orpheus tomorrow for another day of volunteering - looking forward to it immensely! Amy is back from Marrakech (I went straight from the Marsden to pick her and her friend up from Gatwick) so I shall see her there, although she is going in later than I am as she has a local appointment first. Next time I am there (after the Easter break), I am going to get Amy to drive me there in the morning and then I can run home. It's about five miles cross-country, so it will be a good little bit of exercise.
So, to summarise, even if I don't Look Good (Look Acceptable, I think), I certainly Feel Better. My confidence has had a real boost today and my positive streak continues - let's hope it lasts!
Last Friday, I went to the Ideal Home Show with my friends Sally and Sue. I hadn't been there for a few years and we decided to make it a bit of a "girls' day out", even though we're no longer girls - ah, well! We had a really lovely, relaxed day - looked round a couple of the show homes, wandered round sampling cheese and sausages, plenty of tea breaks etc and a champagne break, since Sue had found out she's going to be a grandmother so we had a little celebration. Sadly, I was only able to have a couple of mouthfuls and then poured the rest into their glasses - I am a total lightweight when it comes to alcohol nowadays, even my beloved fizzy. It's not a problem, really, since I don't need alcohol to have a good time - and itmakes me a very cheap date!
Neil and I had friends coming round for dinner that evening, so we left the Show about half three and I was home by just after five o'clock. Luckily <taps nose> I had prepared pudding the previous evening and planned a cold starter, so it was a question of assembling the main course (Chicken Basque from the wonderful St Delia) and bunging it into the oven. I love it when you can just throw everything into one bit casserole dish and not have to faff about with vegetables, side dishes, etc, especially when time is a wee bit tight! The friends we had round were from Neil's cycling club, with their wives, and we had a lovely evening - good chat, the food seemed to go down well, lots of laughter. I was a wee bit tired after a day out (although we strolled around the IHS, it was still quite tiring for me because I was doing a lot of chatting, which always wears me out) but once we sat down at the table, Neil did all the fetching and carrying and our friends helped clear the table at the end of the evening, so I was able to sit and take it easy. It's nice to be entertaining people again - some small recompense for all the support I've had from friends over the past year.
Saturday dawned sunny and warm. Neil went out for a bike ride and I went out for a run on the Downs. I managed six miles (six slow miles!), which is the farthest I've run in over a year, so I was really happy with that - just glorious to be out there in the sunshine, running through the trees and enjoying the Spring air. The afternoon was spent doing laundry, cleaning windows (drawback of sunshine is that every smear or speck of dust is really magnified...) while Neil mowed the lawn and then started building the furniture for Amy's bedroom - ah yes! the joys of flatpack IKEA chests of drawers.....we know how to live!
Sunday brought church - I had signed up to do a reading, which I still find a bit challenging, since it involves standing at the front of the church with everyone looking at me, but I reminded myself that I was amongst friends and the important thing was to read. My looks are immaterial to this. It was fine and I had decided to download the text onto my iPad and use that to read from, instead of taking a Bible or printing out the text. This provided a source of interest to people afterwards, when we were having tea, as they wanted to have a look at it and see how it all worked. One of my good and lovely friends in the congregation came up to me afterwards and said that, when I was standing at the front, she could hardly see any difference between the two sides of my face, because there's been some good recovery - as always, I see the difference whereas other people see the similarities!
The rest of Sunday was more flatpack assembly (Neil), more cleaning and tidying (me) and then a relaxing evening, although I did have to review Adam's English essay (just for spelling and grammar, logical structure, etc) before he handed it in today. I also managed to spark a debate on Facebook because I got annoyed about the use of 's to make a plural, instead of just s - while most people seemed to support what I said, there was a certain level of dissent, which made for a lively discussion! I do think it's important to write and spell correctly and I just don't accept that it's somehow less important in informal communications like emails (dyslexia and vision problems excepted). I am also fed up with being told I am somehow a boring, anally-retentive member of the Grammar Gestapo for thinking that grammar and spelling are important. Hey ho, that's the way it goes, I guess - we will end up breeding a generation of people who think that the word "have" is spelt "of" and it becomes the (accepted) norm; meanwhile, people who think like I do just give up.....
And so to today - a little run this morning and then off to the Marsden this afternoon for my Look Good, Feel Better workshop. This is the charity arm of the cosmetic and beauty industry - they run regular workshops for women who are undergoing, or have been through, treatment for cancer. Many, of course, have lost their hair as a result of chemo and there are other side-effects which change the way a lot of women cancer patients feel about themselves and the way they look. For myself, I think you all know how much the facial palsy has affected my confidence in many ways - not just what I look like (I still get a shock when I look in the mirror, because I somehow don't expect to look like that), but my confidence in my ability to cope in social situations, being understood when I speak (especially on the phone), even driving - and as for feeling feminine, forget about it. It's a bit like the feeling you get when you're pregnant, that you stop being a woman (ironically, given that being pregnant is the best visible demonstration of being a woman) but become a "body" instead. I have felt a bit like that - I stopped being a woman but became a person who had this nasty little invader spreading through my body. Losing confidence in your looks (and let's be honest, I was never model material to begin with, but at least I could scrub up reasonably well) means that it's well nigh impossible to feel that you're making the best of yourself in social situations like parties, weddings, even just dinner parties. I haven't bothered with make-up because I've felt there's no point in it. I'd rather just skulk around and not draw attention to my face - admittedly, I have improved from my worst point, when my face was at its worst, but I still don't relish the thought of being the focus of people's attention and being looked at and I still feel uncomfortable having my photo taken. This self-confidence issue is one I do struggle with (I know I'm not alone in this and that it affects many people who haven't got facial palsy).
However, today, although I was the only person at the workshop who had facial palsy, I had a little bit of a breakthrough - yes, dear readers, I put on make-up and was pleased with the result. I can see the improvement, I got lots of advice about how to deal with the difference in the size of my eyes and I feel more able to try and make myself look a bit more presentable. This is not to say that I think I need to wear make-up every day to face the world, but it's nice to know that I can make more of myself when I want to. We are going to a family wedding on Saturday and I can put some slap on and know that it won't make me look worse - there's a reason why make-up is sometimes called "war paint" - it's another weapon I can use to arm myself before I face the public. I can also put my new-found knowledge into practice on Wednesday, when I have a very exciting day planned - a day trip to Bath on the Orient Express, no less! My hairdresser is getting married in Italy in July and for her "hen do", six of us are going to Bath, with a champagne breakfast on the way there and dinner on the return journey. It is going to be amazing - I love trains and especially the opulence and glamour of luxury trains like the Orient Express. My make-up workshop has been very timely!
Back to the Orpheus tomorrow for another day of volunteering - looking forward to it immensely! Amy is back from Marrakech (I went straight from the Marsden to pick her and her friend up from Gatwick) so I shall see her there, although she is going in later than I am as she has a local appointment first. Next time I am there (after the Easter break), I am going to get Amy to drive me there in the morning and then I can run home. It's about five miles cross-country, so it will be a good little bit of exercise.
So, to summarise, even if I don't Look Good (Look Acceptable, I think), I certainly Feel Better. My confidence has had a real boost today and my positive streak continues - let's hope it lasts!
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